Wankin' File

Continuing files of a real Wanker.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Is thar you wallet in yer pocket..or?

Farting. I’ve got gas. I knew it would happen from the moment I gave in and drank the cheap beer. That beer gives me gas, and I knew it. No reason to complain now, well, except it was the only beer available, and I knew it would happen, and I still drank it. I hate farting, well, not all the time. Farting does have its place


Things have finally settled down a bit. Wedding guests are all gone, and there is a bit of space to breathe. Finally a bit of time to really have some time.

Drove me crazy, I’m too used to having to fucking do something. I threw one to the wizard 5 times today.

I hope I can keep it up.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Handle it gracefully

Well, dang if I ain't just a wanker, but an asshole as well. I'd like to offer up some excuses, the ol' this and that, perhaps the other is in there somewhere, but why? You see, I got a job. I work in the film industry, and that leaves little time once the work onslaught begins, little time for wanking, let alone writing about it. I do have to say, I've been a horney mother fucker at work the last few days. When the only place you have to whack one is the porti-poti, forgettaboutit. Dang.

I also have to say that there has been a bit of an influx in the visitorship to the ol site, thanks to Gushing Lindsey.

So Thanks Lindsey! I'll try to spend more time wanking, and a bit more writing, to show my appreciation.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Cock between a rock and a hard place

Hey ho, mes amis! Let this day find you well, perhaps even with your cock in your hand (or clit at your finger tips). Today is cold! Damn near unbareably cold. It made it nice to just sit in the tub, warm water spraying down, gently massaging my balls. Yes, cold weather does have its advantages as well. It was a good shower, especially after getting back from a ski trip. Muscle feaver, sorness from the adventure, ruled the body, and a little self-massaging in the hot shower really helped loosen things up. Now that I’m back, I’ll try to post more often. I know, I know, I’ve been saying that in every post, but with spring on its way, I’m gonna be hard a lot more than before.


Friday, February 18, 2005

Smokin' and Wankin'

Nothing in the noggin today. Just grey matter, like the clouds. Grey, and a bit on the heavy side of things. Heavy gray. Dang. I keep hoping for some inspiration to strike. Not necessarily here, for the Wankin’ File, but in other places. A good idea for a shot film, or some pertinent political satire. AN idea that needs words, and words that support the idea. Nothing yet, of course, it is Friday.

The only thing that really comes to mind is smoke, and smoking. I am not a smoker. I used to have a cigo or two a day back in the good ol’ university daze because I liked, and still like, to blow smoke rings. I think the most I ever had in one day was five on the train traveling from Poland after a disastrous trip to meet a woman there. (We’d met in Turkey, she was pretty damn cool.) Now, if I’m drunk enough, I will occasionally try to have one, to blow the smoke rings. It’s usually a waste for the bastard I bummed it off since I can’t get more than a third of the way through it. Now, I can’t stand it. Smoke. I look at the couples together and have to wonder, do smokers like kissing a smoker? Do they notice the sickening stale and spit taste? Or are the ol’ buds so far gone it doesn’t matter? I suppose if you are a smoker you don’t have to worry about bad breath in that sense. Anyway, I look forward to the implementation of the EU restaurant smoking ban. I hate getting home and smelling like an ashtray.


Thursday, February 17, 2005

To wank, or not to wank...

Although I havn’t been posting, don’ you go thinking that I haven’t been wanking! It has, in fact, been very good time for the walkin wee Willie, in that it has turned colder, and the snow has been falling. What better than to stay at home surfing the porn channels and occasionally helping Willie wiggle. Yes, there are those of you who would suggest the same sort of activity, except with a woman. Understandable, yes, I can see you point there. In defence, I have admit that I am a bit selfish, and also a bit lazy. The amount of effort and time involved…once things get going, yes, it proves to be time well worth it. It’s the activation energy that I lack, I have to say, much to the chagrin of my girlfriend. One of the other problems is that we live in an apartment complex, on the back side. I often feel like I am living in a bee hive when looking out at all of those windows. There are a potential hundreds of voyeurs, and I am not much of an exhibitionist. Yes, yes, I hear you, curtains. We do have them, and when closed the apartment is as dark as night. For the sake of our plants, we leave them open, and the plants have grown into the spaces next to the windows. We would need agent orange to get in there and clear out the plants so we can close the window, a bit extreme. But, yes, the curtain thing is also an attempt to excuse my laziness.

OK, enough about me. All this wanking, and this blog in general, have got me thinking about the role of the wank. What place does Wanking have in today’s world? A big one, and in this line of examination we should include female masturbation as well. Let’s take a look:

Men, and by “men” here I mean any one of the male species who has had an orgasm, are all basically nemphomaniacs, but a bit on the lazy side of things. If it weren’t for sleep, we men would be orgasm machines ready to get right back at it after a short recharge period. It is both lucky, and unlucky, for women that we are not like this. (Of course there are men who don’t fall into this generalization, just as there are women who do, the real question of “gender” and its roll in society is a topic for another time.) As a male, I find myself drawn to almost every woman I see (once again, glossing over the old and the fatties) and I want to fuck them. This I see as coming from our genetic make-up as animals, the internal urge to be the king of the heap, and spread my genes far into this world, and as much as possible. Obviously, this is not possible. If it were not for wanking, my internal urges would be in a sad state of affairs. Perhaps if Bill Cliton had made a Monica deposit at the Wank Bank, and gone back later for a withdrawl while the first lady was starching her shoes, things wouldn’t have gotten so out of control. I mean, he did almost destroy the world by getting us into a war we can’t win against the millions upon millions of Muslim terrorists all bent on destroy the way a good Christian lives…wait, I’d better not get too carried away here. What was I saying? Yes, there are few women whom I don’t want to fuck. Right. I can’t say one way or the other for women, and how they feel in the “wanna fuck each man they see” category, but it doesn’t seem to be the same. I think that comes from the mother instinct. Once the baby is there, it will require all the attention, so, somehow, they are more attuned to concentrating on one individual, one that would offer a good selection of genes for the kids. Men don’t necessarily worry about that (although the big breasts and good hips are an indication of how physically capable a woman is of having and rearing children). Get those genes out there, and then, well, get them out there again, somewhere else. Even more, although I don’t know how it was back in the cave days, the rules surrounding free and unchecked dispersal of male genes (aka money) are very complicated for the majority of the male population. Porn is cheap and easy, and so is wanking.

Wanking is a cheap, easy way to sort of fool the inherent gene spreading urges we have. I’ll leave it there, I’d be surprised if anyone is still reading at this point anyway. Chances are, you were looking for pictures. Not a bad idea, I’ll try to get some in here. At least you have the links…


Sunday, February 06, 2005

If wishes were trees.

Right now, I wish I could organize my shit into something interesting. I want to fucking rant and rave, I want to throw verbage into the walls and windows, I want to look at porn, I want to fucking try that fucking verbal software shit, I want google to pay me to have their ads here. I I I. Assholes. What do I want, I mean really. There are all those goody two shoes shits, a nice house, neighbors who aren’t muslem, a big advent calendar; but, beyond that. What do I want? It’s becoming too big a question to Ignore. I wish I didn’t have to. I wish I knew. I’d be happy to know what I’m good at, I mean, besides from wanking… It’s depressing. Wanking can give me a few seconds of pleasure a few times a day (on a good day). What is that, really? Well, a lot more than I get from all the other shit. Hopes and dreams, and Barbie Queens! I’d rather have to work, for Christ’s sake! I’m bummed. I’ve been deemed disappointing for blowing smoke rings. I’d better get to sleep, have to deal with the foreign police tomorrow morning.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Dang, Kanada!

The Master of His Domain....
OTTAWA (Reuters) - A Canadian who masturbated at a window in his house won his appeal against a conviction for indecency on Thursday after Canada's top court ruled there was no evidence of intent to commit an indecent act, and a home was not a public place.

The Supreme Court of Canada noted that British Columbian, Daryl Clark, had agreed it was an indecent act to have masturbated "in an illuminated room near an uncovered window visible to neighbors."
But Justice Morris Fish, writing the 9-0 decision, said such acts have to be done in public places to be a crime -- and a home was not a public place. The law also says indecent acts are only crimes in every location if the person intends to give offense.
Clark was convicted of an indecent act in a public place and given a four-month sentence after a prosecution that followed complaints from his neighbor, named in court documents only as Mrs. S.
The woman said she spotted Clark while she was watching television with her two young daughters in their family room.
She alerted her husband, and the couple observed Clark from their darkened bedroom for 10 or 15 minutes -- also using binoculars and a telescope -- before summoning the police, who said the upper part of Clark's body was visible from just below the navel.
"In my respectful view, the trial judge ... erred in concluding that the appellant's living room had been converted by him into a public place simply because he could be seen through his living room window and, though he did not know this, was being watched by Mr. and Mrs. S. from the privacy of their own bedroom 90 to 150 feet away," Fish wrote.
The part that gets me about this story is that the old couple was obviously so disturbed by the “act” that they had to spend 15 min with binoculars and a telescope to determine what he was doing. If you ask me, he should be taking them to court for being Peeping Toms! I bet they really enjoyed watching the whole thing, but couldn’t admit to each other that it infact turned them on. I bet you the schmoe went for a wank soon after. Ah, yes,